It is funny how past words can light a present fire. And so as I ventured into my journal of words that come from a now dead world, I find the world not as dead as I would have been led to believe. The words are still alive, somehow conjuring up neuron firings and synapses that result in an image of me being much more alive in that dead world than I am in the one that is playing before me. And so, these arrangements of spaces and letters have some mystic element to them. They have the ability to inspire, and to thrust old meaning and new meaning together upon the beholder. Somehow they are able to speak more truth into the time that is completely foreign to them than to even the era in which they were originally composed. And so in honor of their sacred power, I will repost them exactly as they were over a year ago. Perhaps they can affect you as they affected me...again?
Wednesday, September 14, 2005:
life is beautiful. life is a gift. life is the ups and downs. sometimes it's crappy and boring and stressful. sometimes it's fun and exotic and contagious. the rhythm of it. the beat of it. it's everything woven together so intricately. it's everything how it's supposed to be. not only that, it's everybodies crappys and borings and stressfulls and funs and exotics and contagiouses all intertwined. it's a beautiful collage of God's inventions and wirings. life is not a b****. life is not a grade. life is not a happy. life is not a smile. life is being fully alive. heaven is here. now. grab it. life is a holy discontent. life is a battle. life is a tension. life is a choice. to live is to love. to live is to be dirt on the underside of a shoe. life happens when there's nowhere lower to fall. when you're the servant of all. isn't it funny how the way life has been programmed to work? what we think we want the most, just doesn't help. and getting it in red or a size bigger or 21 points and two letters higher won't help either. He's written in the very way life functions and exists. life is our common assumptions inverted. blessed are the nothings. life is gravity. gravity is grace. and grace is a beautiful thing. life is beautiful.
my life right now is a tension between:
the memories i just want to relive, driven by the reluctance and doubt that im actually here at this point.... and ....the lonely feeling that i just don't belong here anymore and need to start a new phase of my life. in my head my identity is trapped in the past or future. where's the present? i have many times in the last 5 years thought of this time in my existence and determined what it would be like. i've turned out to be a very bad fortune teller...
i can be dragged through the day or drag the day around where i want it. :o)
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